Panties For Men

"Do you believe in life after death?" the
boss asked one of his employees." Yes, Sir," the new employee replied. "Well,
then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early
yesterday to go to your grandmothers funeral, she stopped in to see you." 

"I read a book on levitation the other day. I couldn't put it down."   

From Jay Leno. "Barbara Walters asked Gov. Chris Christie if he was too fat to be president. A lot of people are criticizing Barbara for asking that question. But in fairness, she asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft." 

"On her wedding day, a bride walked down the aisle only to see the groom standing at the altar with his golf bag an clubs at his side.

'What are your golf clubs doing here?'shw whsipered.

'Wel,' the groom replied, 'this isn't going to take all day, is it?'" 

An office manager asked an applicant if she had any unusual talents. She told him that she had won several prizes in crossword puzzle and jingle-writing competitions.

'That's nice,' the manager repliked, 'but we need someone who can be smart during office hours.'

'Great!' the applicant said. 'That actually was during office hours.'" 

 

"A woman asked her husband, 'Could you please go out and buy a gallon of milk? And if they have avocados, get six.'

A short time later, the husband returned with six gallons of milk.

'Why did you buy so many?' his wife asked.

'They had avocados.'" 

"An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and began experiencing turbulence. One nervous passenger happened to be sitting next to a minister and turned to him for comfort.

'Can't you do something?' she asked.

'I'm sorry, ma'am,' he replied gently, 'but I'm in sales, not management.'"   

pusspuss wrote:

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"I think my boss is trying to replace me.

He's looking for a computer that grovels." 

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 Which reminds me in Star Trek, Captain/Admiral Kirk was always trying to get the Enterprise's female-voiced computer replaced with a male one. He always found the female one, most annoying and distracting. I wonder why(Laughs!!)?? Mr. Spock would hear Jim's complaints, and raise one of his slanty eyebrows!! Bones may have preferred one with a Southern Dialect! Scotty probably wanted one that spoke Scots Gaelic, to keep him sharp, with Chekov wanting one that would display in the Cyrillic Alphabet.

"An old man was holding court, surrounded by his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

'Don't think of me as an old man,' he whined. 'I'm heakthy. Everything's fine. My heart is still pumping away. My liver's strong. And my mind, knock n wood...Hello? Who is it.'"  

tineetommi wrote:

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Another OF(old fart) joke--- An elderly man had birthday. Wife said go down to local cat house and celebrate! so he did. Up in the room getting undressed --He showing her his pink panties hers black crotchless! He "I am 90 years old today" Her " WOW you have had it!!! --- I HAVE ! How much do I owe you ???      

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pusspuss wrote:

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"Two friends arranged to meet at a store in the local mall. One never showed up, so the other went home. When they got together that night, the second woman asked the first what had happened.

'It was terrible,' the first woman said. 'I was on the escalator on my way to meet you, and it suddenly stopped running. I stood there for over an hour while they fixed it.'

'You stood on the escalator for over an hour they fixed it?'the second friend asked.

'Of course. What else could I do?' 'You dummy! Why didn't you sit down?'"  

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 They're both dummies!! All they need to do is just walk up and down the staircase, that an escalator is! Are they afraid that they'll fall down the elevator shaft? Most obviously, this joke neglected to mention that these two nitwits may most likely be a couple of blondes!

"Why the turkey have to leave the supper table?

H was gobbling his food.  

pusspuss wrote:

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"Agressive drivers are the ones who try to get back at you after you cut them off."  

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 And you know, much of the time, those that cut you off--and occasionally I'm guilty of this--aren't even aware that they did just that. They're preoccupied with other stuff on their minds, when they shouldn't be, while operating a motor vehicle. So, we have to strain ourselves to be just that more patient and courteous, behind the wheel.

I just hope that Mayor "Bloomers" of NY, doesn't get it into his peabrain, to felonize the act of motorists in his hick town, of cutting each other off(Laughs!!)!!

pusspuss wrote:

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"A CIA employee quit to become a bishop. Now all his files are marked 'Sacred' and Top Sacred'." 

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 And the most confidential are marked, "For God's Eyes Only".

 MOLE jOKE; MAMA MOLE STUCK HER HEAD OUT AND SAYS ' I SMELL HONEY1' PAPA MOLE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT AND SAYS '' I SMELL MAPLE SYRUP" BABY MOLE SICKS ITS HEAD OUT AND DECLARES ALL I SMELL IS--- MOLE-ASSES !!!  

tineetommi wrote:

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 MOLE jOKE; MAMA MOLE STUCK HER HEAD OUT AND SAYS ' I SMELL HONEY1' PAPA MOLE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT AND SAYS '' I SMELL MAPLE SYRUP" BABY MOLE SICKS ITS HEAD OUT AND DECLARES ALL I SMELL IS--- MOLE-ASSES !!!  

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pusspuss wrote:

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"The I.T. Specialist told the executive, 'We have to upgrade the company network.'

'Oh, no. We can't get rid of the computers,' the executive replied.

'Why not?' the specialist asked. 'With a new system, our operations will be faster. Why would you want to keep these out dated machines?'

The executive replied in a low voice, 'They know too much.'"   

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 I could tell that executive, "You can just as easily take a sledgehammer to all the memory-intensive components, after a safe upload, of the company stuff, to the new machines and servers."

Other fun ways: Instead of clay pigeons, use the HDD cores, to improve your skeet shooting. Put 'em in a bucket of gasoline/petrol and torch 'em. Ask your tree guy, if he'll toss 'em into his wood chipping/mulching machine.

"My cooking is so awesome that even thee smoke alarm cheers me on!" 

"Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is a different story."